Past few days have been tiring not to mention boring. To all the chinese out there Happy Chinese new year as well as happy valentine's day.

A funny thing happend yesterday. My good friend whom I lent my playstation 2 to called.

I passed him the PS2 like last week if I'm not mistaken. It's collecting dust in my house so i might as well lend it to someone who needs it. As to why I bought it in the first place, I guess I'll never fully comprehend what went through my head and made a rash choice.

Any way....

KKT:Hey hello

ME: yo what's up

KKT:can i return your ps2 later on. I'm having my... 

ME interrupting} yeah sure

KKT:... wisdom tooth extracted thus will be at home this whole week

ME: ok sure no prob man

KKT: so if u are on leave or off or something why don't you come over and we can play

ME: haha well i'm having recall so i'm on stand by catch up wif u some other time. chow!

My MIND: What the hell it's my ps2 man. I mean what right do u have to tell me i can play it in ur house!!!!!. Hhaha but i'm sure he didn't mean it this way.

Today while eating my fav kinda fish i asked my folks what's the diff between a sour person and a bitter person. Nobody could answer me. And i followed up by saying why in the whole english language describing the four common taste there is none to match a person for the salty taste.

I mean there's a sweet person,bitter person,sour person why not salty?

Then my dad went on to say A Sweet person is one who has

diabetes. I know that was lame but it just seemed funny at that point.

I finally have figured out why girls tend to be much smarter than guys. For a fact girls love chocolate. It seems chocolate has beta carotine in them.

which helps in thinking. 

Kinda feeling tired, having recurring nightmares erm ok not nightmares exactly but more of troubled thoughts that i left far inside of me never to be tampered with.

oh well life goes on!  

D.N.

I (your name and nric here),

have decide to end my (Choose from the countless available adjectives that we provide) life.

The reasons are as follows (Choose from the countless available sentences that we provide or use vour own).

I would like to say goodbye to the following. [Please also state how you plan to end your life we do have a database of options however they are currently down. I do hope You understand]

{Don't forget to sign here}
[thank you and have a great death]

If anyone

  Ö         bullies you

<Y>

  /L

<Ö_,        

  Y

<   >

<Ö_,        

  Y__,

<  

  Ö>        

 /Y

< L

  ,_Ö>        

,__Y

        >

<Ö_,        

  Y__,

./

 Ö , Don’t call me

/Y)  Just        

< >  run OK!

                                                                                                                      Prakash Attan

When I was a kid my mum told me that angels live in heaven…

Now I know that it is not true…Because if angels live in heaven, WHY AM I HERE?

                                                                                                                                Anusha

I don’t suppose that we preserve all the world in a fragile ball of glass cos I’m the first to throw the curve and bring it all down all in one big crash, just this feeling running through my head saying life goes round and round silence in my heading singing it goes on and on…. It goes on and on…And when it all is said and done in the end there can only be one, and when the world is in reverse you’re the savior of my universe.

                                                                                                                                 Kanesh

Don’t Open for one day

Just as I thought ! You cannot wait… OK Go ahead! Open it

“Happy New Year 2004” remember, I sms u first. Cheers!!!

                                                                                                                      Tan Weiming
 .“”   .”....(‘v’.)

(“,)  ( “,)  ‘v’

((“)(“)(“)(“) l

Just want to say

     A

  <**>Merry

 <***>X’Mas

<****>

Too early?

At least I’m the first!

                                                                                                                      Wong Hongye

===

(“’ . ’ . ”’)

        //

       ((,

                                                                                                                                    Kanesh

People who are nice will always get my first greeting

(>-<    HAPPY

(  Ö, )”) (“ç’(“ç”)

(   ç    /      v    v

  ¿.¿.J NEW YEAR!

In advance.

                                                                                                                      Wong Hongye

,,,++,,,  Life can

*  .  .  * be very

(   ,-.  )   sad w/o

_>--<_   friends

,,,++,,, 

*  ,  ,  * Glad you are

(  ,__,  ) there!

_>--<_  

,,,++,,, 

*  .     *

(   ,_,    )  Merry  

_>--<_   Christmas!                                                                                       Christopher

, ’ , ’ , May this

,  ()   . Candle of

,  [] Christmas

 *lJ* bring you and your family the light of peace, love and happiness. Have a blessed Christmas and Happy New Year!                                                                        Wong Hongye

Very soon I’ll get to say this and pass it on to the rest!

ooo

  Ö/

<#

  JL

oo

  Ö_,o

<#

  JL

oo

  Ö/

<#

  JL    O

o

  Ö_.o

<#

  JL   O

o

  Ö/

<#

  JL   OR

  Ö_.o

<#

  JL   OR

  Ö/

<#

  JL   ORD

  Ö_.o

<#

  JL    ORD

<Ö

   #>

  JL     ORD Woohoo!!!!

                                                                                                                         Frankie Ong

 D.N.

God bless your soul Achappan!

I was watching this Chinese show about Monkey God. Something like journey to the west. It was really damn funny. If you get a chance to watch it, watch part two. The monk was damn irritating and he sang the song “Only You” in Chinese. Man you would go

from laughter to tears if you heard it. So damn funny. It was kind of sad because he never got the girl that he truly loved unlike in most of Stephen Chow's movies.

Monkey God in the Chinese epic is called Sun Wukong. Of course he's got other names like Divine Treasure and Sage Equal to Heaven. In Hindu myth our Monkey God is know as Hanuman. He too has many other names that I myself am not sure of. The characters have certain similarities.

1. Both were born from a rock and upon seeing the sun set out to touch it

2. Both have superhuman powers and are immune to fire

3. Both are Loyal {Sun Wukong maybe not. I mean if a stupid ring that can't be removed from your head starts tightening ever time your master say the magic words I guess you'd shut up and be loyal.

4. Both weren't Gods to begin with but ended up as Gods

5. Both are well loved by many around the world

The thing I would like to know is why can't the Monkey God be the one who saves the day. Sun Wukong was like super powered being. He killed most of the demons.

Hanuman could whack up Bali and Ravana. So why is it that they follow rather than lead?

If you read the Mahabharatam you'd see that the best warrior {I hate to admit it} is Arjuna. God even came to him to clear his doubts yet why was it that he wasn't the leader. Was it just because Yiddushitra was the eldest thus deemed as the leader?

Has it all got to do with faith, destiny or karma?

I know what you're thinking. Theses are stories man why bother!

If you take a moment to think about it and look around among your colleges, friends and family you'll see this happening right in front of your face. The best guy for the job isn't the leader but a follower. Has it to do with inferiority complex or just knowing where one belongs to? I guess sometimes number uno is actually duex.

D.N.

....Captain come with us the rest of the crew are safely aboard.....//finale

 I got a pleasent surprise yesterday at the court. KKT finally brought his girlfriend whom I've not seen for the past 2yrs. Well she did put on some weight not that much of course. She kept on bragging about it. Especially her thighs. Well at least she did admit she was overdoing it.

 You must admit that from 85-56 kg is quite a lot of weight lost. It was kind of weird talking to her as well as seeing my friend get mushy mushy. I've seen him get into fights now I see a small puppy wagging its tail.

I thought I'll get jealous.

The funny thing is that I wasn't. I was quite happy for him. I've been through some shit with him before. I guess he finally deserves it. I always tried to help people who were depressed in anyway possible. Crack some jokes to cheer them up. Insult others to make them feel better or just listen to them.

The realization then hit me just by seeing KKT and his girlfriend. I wasn't needed anymore. I don't need to help anyone. I just need to know if my friends are ok that's all. Even if they did lie to me I have to accept the lie and just ignore their true pain. Logically there's no point helping people if you yourself can't help yourself. There's no point even telling a person you'll be there when eventually he/she runs to another. There's no point helping when in return you'll be played out.

 Maybe it was a sign from GOD just to tell me that all my friends are well to do and I should just leave them mainly to help myself.

.......and the captain ignores the offer only to go down with the ship like a fool.

D.N.

 I really don't know why Amy Tan wrote the book "Joy Luck Club" in the first place. Oh wait I think I do know but I don't care. Out of the nine boys that were in my secondary class 4 guys still refused to give up and do literature. Man I should have dropped it. I got the same grade as Geography. I could have focused more on the rest of the subjects.

JK, TMW, KKT and DN: The Joy Luck Men.

 KKT was always the one who truly appreciated lit and could judge the characters in ways that we could never have imagined. A great deal of help he was to me. Then again he is one of my long lasting friends that I ever have/had. The rest of us were just in his shadows. My greatest flaw was never liking to read. I always failed it as I could never figure out what the author was trying to say. Also I had a hard time in comprehension. Be it shakespearean or normal daily English ones. I really get bored easily.

 JK was mainly my rival in life. I mean friendly competition. We used to make fun of each other TMW and I really never liked each other. I don't even know why we still put up with each other. Maybe because we're still friends with KKT. TMW called me a few nights ago to confirm whether I'll be joining the scheme I said still thinking. We ended up discussing on what we could do to help JK out. Some of the ideas were good but as usual there were some problems. We were to discuss further about this on Sunday yesterday".                                                                      

It seems that every Sunday TWM, KKT and their friends meet up to play basketball I decided to go I mean after all getting to the court was like a 10 min walk. Instead of discussing the issue in detail we just sat down and talked cock. Then they continued to play. I watched the game and begin to wonder if I was really helping a friend at all.

Was there any need to help him I ain't close. Why should I bother? Why should I even care? It just ended of by saying that we won't join. Screw friendship. Screw what ever remaining niceness I have.

...........

Multi-level marketing(MLM) a scheme for getting rich, where by doing nothing money comes to you. Sounds too good to be true? Well it is. Let's not compare this to that of a devil's deal in the sense that it's not that extreme. Making money out of people. I love the way they present the scheme to you: showing many zeros and numbers of great possibility and then lastly they ask "do you dare take the challenge?" The last time I was asked this was in a different way, when I was in BMT. They asked "Are you a girl or a man? Do you have a pussy or a dick? Are you yadaydad...". The typical kind of insults to question one's manhood. At that time it wasn't so much to do with the insult but more of just finishing the shit and not making the other get punished for your refusal to participate. The pain! Hey but it's over.

The only reason I went down for the MLM talk was a friend asked me to go also cos he said money. I am biased to certain things in life. But if want me to hear you out I don't mind. I don't like swearing or promising people.

MLM. Upon hearing this acronym everybody immediately says no. They hear many stories of companies closing down and people getting cheated. Many companies say MLM isn't anything like pyramid scheme. Come on honestly. What does a pyramid look like? Whatever you say the image is still an out line of a pyramid. Honestly I feel that this is a good scheme. The calculations are amazing. I worked them out with my Attan. The amount you can make is phenomenal. However I wouldn't join it. Reasons as stated:

1. How the hell am I going to get people into this? Don't tell me you honestly can have a hundred friends? I mean friends, not some people you just say hi and bye to for the past 10 years.

2. Every human would like to be his own boss. I mean would you like it if your friend is on top of you and he earns more than you. Worse still he reaps the benefits of your work.

3. Convincing people it's not the same as the pyramid scheme which already 3/4th the world things of it.

4. Facing people who do not make it, especially your friends. How do you deal with them later on.

5. Pissing your friends every time, saying it's a good deal and so on.

I have enough trouble keeping friends just by talking to them. Now you want me to get friends by talking to them? The sad thing now is helping a friend get out of this shit!

..........

Today marks the final day for the Ayyappan Puja. I'm really looking forward to it. Not that I love going to temple or anything like that. Well ya there might be pretty girls down there but for some strange reason that's not why I want to go every year. I guess it's to see familiar faces that I always used to see as a kid when I was involved in some Association or maybe the only time when I truly feel like I'm talking to God about how's life and so on{paranoid}. The One thing I really will enjoy is when I hear the people chanting God's name aloud as well as catchy prayers. It feels like you are cheering for your favourite soccer team. {This probably explains why Nat loves to go to church.} I assure you, you can feel the sounds penetrate your body giving of some kinda vibe.

Maybe I really do need to be cheered up. Past few days have been full of headaches and a whole list of things to be accomplished as well as expected to be done running through my head. {who am I kidding it's been years man. YEARS?} I guess I have myself to blame. The biggest headache is what am I going to do now when I finish my temporary service to the country I "adore". It boils down to practicality versus interest and passion.

Right now it seems important just to get a basic degree in life. Doesn't really matter whether you will use it at the end of the day. I really hate that, all that studying just to do something else. Right now what I want to do seems really unattainable. Yah I know it isn't. I mean I could retake some fucked up paper again. But it would just bore me to death. So what would you suggest? Change in mind set followed by those idiotic quotes that goes like:

If you believe you can, you can achieve anything.

Never say die

It'sail in the mind

The hardest step is the first step

Don't give up

Never stop trying

......

Oh please. Words are meaningless and forgettable just like love you and let's be friends

and those others like I believe in you. Hell even by the time I finish typing this I'd look back and laugh.

Suicide was always a joke to me to the point I almost break into laughter when a person asked me have I ever thought about suicide when I was going through secondary education. I mean it brings burden to the ones who care about you or at least your family. My flat's window has always been opened since I was a child, so jumping of from there was such a simple feat. When I say I feel like shooting myself I don't really mean ending my life. I just want to get rid of some pain to clear my mind of misery, anger, vengeance, spite and emotions. At the end of the day I guess I really have to take a good look at the mirror and not just notice the big pimple that's on my left cheek, how white my teeth are, is my hair still growing, why are my eyebrows thick, why do I look so plum, why am I hairy, or prepare my fantastic {full of bullshit} speech by talking to the mirror but have to face the one thing I hate doing: BECOMING the BEST.

Oh well after the prayer if I still am not cheered up there's always a can of beer probably 2 yrs of age to drown my sorrow and a whole load of cartoons to reminisce my childhood. CHEERS!

Before I end off, it would really be mean of me not to credit some guys who have helped me no matter how little it seemed: Tingfeng, Bhatt, Alan, Ashwin, King, Nat and my Attans. Of course not forgetting some guys who lends me some cds but I shan't mention any names that will dishonour them. Hahahaha thanks for the laughs.

D.N.

As I type this I feel pain. Nope, not the pain of love but actual physical pain. My supposedly healed wound has just reopened. Me being the smartass that I am, decided to open the plaster that I placed on the sole of my feet thinking that there was no pain thus it would be healed. But later at around 4 did I realize that the skin peeled again.

Well it's sad to come from a family full of diabetics. What's sadder is to get it at a young age. I can't imagine not being able to have any Coke or Pepsi. How about the natural sugars from fruits such as oranges, kiwi and grapes.

Well I can face the fact that I'm fat. Unfortunately it doesn't put me in a good position in life. I guess people are biased. We are forced to look like the images of the magazines available. It's really sad. I mean there are women and men I know who always ask me stupid questions like “do I look fat?” And I tell them you are as fat as you believe you are. The funny thing is that they ask me this just because they over ate. Silly people. Anyway as Kanesh my good friend would say” it’s because of fat people like us people like Dicaprio even stand a chance. We make them look good.”

Anyway I came to a realization today, took me a death of a women to realize what point I had been missing in life all this while. It was never about being FAT. It was about being FIT. People have this misconception that FAT equals to UNFIT. Take the SUMO's for example for all that mass they are damn agile and are indeed FIT. {Unfortunately they have something called man breast which guys find a bit weird.}

So what have I decided to do about my fitness? I guess start training. And what better way to do it then immediately. This is also the reason I’m having pain typing this. I hooked up with Kelson, a friend from camp who happens to be a bodybuilder. His chest is amazingly huge especially for his height. However like all great people I know they forget to train their legs. So his looks skinny. Anyway he was helping me with the weight training. I think the last time I did a workout that was something like this was hmmm 2-3 yrs ago. Anyway I'll probably feel the full effects of the pain tomorrow.

As far as my FAT or should I say mass times Gravitational Acceleration is concerned it should become 61 from eighty something before Mar 31st. Hahaha it seems I got a long, long way to go.

As usual God will always prevent me from doing something I set my mind too. So I'm expecting heavy showers. Oh wait my leg has a split. DAMN! For many times I wish you were on my side. Well I’ll see how.

D.N.